Depression in the wake of Excitement…

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Well… we finally made our trip to Seattle to make sure that it was where we wanted to be… long story short, it is.

We had a fabulous time! From the moment we hit Seattle air we were anxious to get off the plane! The first thing I did when we stepped out of the airport, as I followed Sir and our driver, was take a long deep breath. It was one the best moments I have had in a long, long, time. I haven’t been able to truly take a breath, fill my lungs with actual clean air, in years. I could have stood there for ten minutes just breathing, releasing the smog that has poisoned my lungs, releasing the stress of being at home, letting go the friendships I once had. Our future plans were forming right there in that moment, it was finally coming true, and I could not have been more thrilled.

As Sir and I rode in our private car we looked around at everything, not in the touristy sense, but taking in everything that was around us. No matter where we drove there was a view, an absolute stunning view. I have been in Texas for ten years, I haven’t seen the leaves change colors in forever, that alone was nostalgic. Our driver was wonderful, he told us all the great places to visit, and what areas were going to be good places to look for a new home. I have to admit that after traveling all day long it was just really nice to have a car all to ourselves! I am so thankful Sir hired us a private car.

Our hotel was amazing! It was right within walking distance of everything in downtown Seattle. We wanted to stay somewhere nice and modern and the Hotel 5 was the perfect place, the staff was very nice and super helpful! Its the first hotel we have ever stayed at that actually had hardwood floors in the rooms. The only thing I was not thrilled with was that each of us had our own duvet cover instead of one large one to share. Trust me it might sound nice having your won blanket but when its constantly falling off the bed and you want to cuddle in close to your spouse its not that great.

The food was amazing at almost every place we went! There were only 2 times we ate food that was not so great and regretted not sticking to our original dinner plans for those evenings. Otherwise we went to several Italian places which were totally worth the money, a handmade cheese place in Pikes Market which had the best macaroni & cheese I think I have ever had, and some wonderful dives & hole in the walls. Oh! How can I forget the most amazing sushi, Sir and I have never had sushi this large and delicious! That will definitely have to be one of our first stops when we move there!

Besides the food the sites were incredible. Port Orchard was beautiful, but we figured we would be spending more money going across the sound into downtown more than actually saving money. The drive there though was pretty, we crossed a green bridge, that I have now named the emerald bridge, that reminded me of the golden gate bridge. West Seattle was pretty too, much older, but it is being brought up and modernized. The two apartments we looked at over there did have some incredible views if you got up high enough. We found our home & our souls became at peace in North Seattle. The moment we drove into the area we both knew this is where we needed to be. Surround by the suburban homes, next to the sculpture garden, and still within walking distance of Pikes Market. Out of all the places we looked to live I believe that at this time this place has the best view for us. We visited the famous Kerry Park where every tourist has to go to take a wide shot of downtown. I think one of my favorite parts though was Discovery Park. The drive through it was just breathtaking. We didn’t get to explore it as much as we would have liked but it was incredible. We ended that day with a look over the ocean at the Indian Cultural view point.

Seattle is just beautiful regardless of where you look. Sir and I couldn’t have been more at peace. People complain about the rain there, but we loved it, we even loved how everything looked through the rain. Coming home was harder than I thought it was going to be. Things have not been the same since being back in Texas. Our bodies are here but our hearts and souls are awaiting our return to the home we have long desired!

It’s only a short time until we are starting a new adventure with a fresh start!

 

 

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Deep Breaths…

Being a leader doesn’t require a title; having a title doesn’t make you one.:

What happens when your “leader” isn’t one until they are forced to be and even then they aren’t professional about it?

Things have been busy. I have been working non stop and in desperate need of a break. Sir and I are lucky if we truly get some good quality time in… and sometimes I feel like we are left on the back burner. I finally get a break and honestly… its not even one. We are nearly on the home stretch, just a few more months to go before we make the move to the city of our dreams, Seattle. As each day passes we want and pray the end comes quicker. Sir and I are under a number of different stresses and we are trying to take each day as it comes. Unfortunately I have never been good at that type of thinking. The stress I am under with my contractual work has pushed me to a breaking point… I want to quit but can’t afford to.

I used to love my job, had an amazing passion for it. I would arrive early and light up when I saw all the potential, all the little details, all the beautiful priceless moments that would happen that night, but over the past couple years that passion has all but been snuffed out. I have worked so much over these couple years that I just don’t see it the same way anymore. I see clients I don’t know, the same mundane details, music, and moments I see every weekend, and I am just not enjoying it anymore. I have people spreading rumors about me because they don’t like me, although there may be some truth to them I know they are not as frequent as they are being said to be. I hate feeling this way. I hate waking up and dreading the 6-9 hours I have to work. I hate waking up and being in knots all week trying to prepare myself for the outcome of the weekend. This job is breaking me and I am starting to see that it has done more damage than it has good. It changed the way I worked and not for the better and it breaks my heart.

Thankfully I noticed what had been lacking in my work and have been reverting back to my original style, just with better knowledge. Though what I do on the weekends even with reverting back has not re-lit the fire inside, I have found that the passion I had for what I did on the weekends has thankfully moved into a different area. Something much more manageable and not nearly as time consuming, giving me the freedom to control my schedule more, and have more time with Sir. It also opens the flood gate to the bogged down crying out creative passionate side I have missed. Unfortunately realizing this path has also made me realize that my contractual work needs to change as well. Something needs to give and my skills need to be directed to other areas. I only pray that they see it and can grant me that relief for these last few months I need to work.

What happens when your “leader” isn’t one until they are forced to be and even then they aren’t professional about it? You have to make a drastic change in order to finish out your time… or quit.

Finding Inspiration…


This means more to me than I have ever realized. I have had several jobs, several hobbies, done several different things. I have been desperately trying to not only find something I have a passion for but find my true self as well. It’s been taxing and very hard. After being in the military I thought I had found my style. Unfortunately I had not and it took me several years to wake up and realize the country scene was not what I liked or wanted. It was what I had grown accustomed to being stationed in the middle of hickville. 

When I woke up one morning and realized that I had been stuck in a haze it was the most refreshing and awakening feeling ever. I replaced a good deal of our country items with contemporary simple things instead. I began to see everything clearer. Realizing that I had found my passion in photography and writing was fantastic… realizing I needed to find myself was overwhelming. Just as I started piecing parts of me together I find a job contracting for a photography company. It starts out great… until I find myself lost yet again.

Starting our D/s dynamic also has started to clear the fog. I find myself calmer on most occasions. At ease. Again things are becoming clearer. I’m pulling myself out of the heavy fog that has consumed me. I’m finding my style within my passion again. I’m finding myself within my dynamic with Sir. I’m finding the person that has been broken, shattered, torn, ripped apart, stepped and walked over. It hard, painful, and taxing to put the pieces back together. But with the help of a select group of friends and Sir… I am finally finding a way to heal. I am finding the passion not only within my job but within myself. 

Monday Opportunities Await…


Good Morning Monday!

It’s been a busy crazy weekend and the week is going to follow. Bridal/ day after session today, portraits tomorrow, editing all week, business work fit in there, and a wedding on Friday. One of my hardest things is making time for myself and for Sir. We get so busy we don’t schedule anytime for each other. So this week we are going to make sure that there is time for us everyday. We are going to make sure we get to the gym every morning, eat right, and spend sometime together talking and playing 😋😜 when we get home. This week is going to be great!

So Hot I’m Melting…


So… Sir and I were supposed to start the morning off with a maternity session. Well we tried but it was so hot that my poor prego mamma was beading so much sweat she was uncomfortable. It’s ridiculous hot dang hot it was because of the humidity at 9 a.m. So we rescheduled. I’m sad and I’m glad. She would have died and I really wanted her to be comfortable. You would be surprised what the camera can pick up. Anyway… Sir and I are finally home and we are staying there! Only place to stay cool when you roast the minute you walk out your front door shade or not. I don’t mind sweating… But let’s all admit we want to sweat because of other fun, kinky, activities… not the weather. 😋😜

Hope everyone stays cool today! Happy Saturday!