The Damn Nightmares…

My nightmares are constant and paralyzingly. It’s rare I have anything but a nightmare. They fluctuate between dreams and terrors. Most of the time they are so bad I can’t cry, scream, talk, or move. I’m trapped. Stuck in whatever demented convoluted ideas my subconscious can summon. My dreams are dark… most of which would most likely frighten others. I normally keep them to myself, pushing them deep inside myself. Locked away like secrets. Unfortunately they are damaging… holding me back from moving forward and letting go. Unable to live in the present, only to live in the past. I have been broken and shattered in so many ways, picking up and putting the pieces back together is hard. Everytime I hold something back the pieces fall apart again. I need to learn to confide in my Sir. Know that he will be there to hold me and comfort me when I wake up… or shake me out of one. He’s understanding and patient. I need to remember that. I need to remember that just because I have had a constant pattern of things going beautifully only to be ripped away from me, that not everything will go that way. I need to learn to trust again. Trust in Sir. Trust in my friends. Trust in my best friend and when they say they will never leave me they mean it. My nightmares constantly remind me how fractured my trust in anything is. How do I repair it? Asking for reassurance will only annoy and push them away… so what do I do? 


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