I’m not used to feeling things.
I went through so much I learned to bottle everything up.
It was easier.
It didn’t hurt.
Now everything is on the surface.
The emotions, the memories, the fears.
I don’t understand why or how I feel most times.
I cry a lot, even at times that don’t seem so bad.
I still don’t and can’t sleep.
Nightmares terrorize my sleep, good dreams are far and I between.
My insecurities are escrutiating, and run my life.
I’m stressed and over worked.
I love my job but hate where I work.
I’m lonely most of the time, almost all the time.
I’m stuck in a city I hate, and desperately want to be far away from.
It’s filled with rude, inconsiderate, nasty people.
It’s hot and muggy, the weather almost always sucks.
The life I want seems so far away yet so close too.
I know all things will pass…it’s just hard to work through them now.
My biggest fear, I live with every single day, nearly every minute…
Is losing you.