It starts small.
So small you don’t even notice it.
Somewhere deep down in your bones you feel a tingle.
You ignore it.
You go about your business.
The tingle begins to grow.
You feel odd and out of place.
The tingle turns to fuzz.
You can feel it in your belly.
There’s nothing to be excited or worry about.
So it can’t be butterflies.
The feeling moves from the pit of your belly to your chest.
It takes residence there.
Waves of an odd feeling pours through your body from your chest.
It drives you.
It motivates you.
You feel you can do anything.
It’s dark, and you love it.
Nothing you do makes it go away.
You live with it day in and day out for years.
It becomes apart of you and you don’t want to lose it.
Not having it makes you uncomfortable, sluggish, tired.
You do anything to hold on to it. Dark music, movies, environments.
It makes you feel alive.
What if that thick tar of darkness you feel and let envelop you is from past events? Past demons?
Would you work through them?
Make the demons go away?
Or would you hold on to any ounce of memory, music, event, environment, person, or thing, that would push and build that feeling?
You love to get lost in the feeling.
Your watching yourself, but you do the best work when under the influence of this darkness.
Your lost without it.
Lost in a sea of social demands and shattered dreams.
I don’t want it to go away.
I don’t want to lose it.
I want to live it.